So you just found out that he had an affair, and you have decided to stay. I often hear people say, “Am I crazy? Am I stupid for not leaving?” The answer to both of those questions is an emphatic NO! You are just in love.
As a matter of fact, science proves that you are not indeed crazy. Love has effects on the brain. It’s almost like a drug. There are three stages of love and depending on which one you are in, the brain is flooded with different kinds of chemicals. Lets take a closer look….
Lust
So you meet this guy and you want to spend every waking moment with him. You cannot stop thinking about him, and every time you do your heart seems to skip a beat. That’s because your brain is releasing a chemical called dopamine. Do you know any other examples of when the brain releases dopamine? Well when you are doing drugs or another pleasurable activity. So in a sense, it feels like you are high on love.
Attraction
The next stage is what we call attraction. There are surges of blood that pump right to the pleasure center of your brain. You are literally getting pleasure just from being around the one you are starting to love. If you were to get an MRI this part of your brain would light up like Christmas when you are in love. It is like you can only focus on one thing, and the brain tends to focus on the good qualities of that person. This is what causes you to miss out on all those negative signs or behaviors early in the relationship.
Attachment
After a while these euphoric feelings fade, but the body doesn’t stop there. It starts to release hormones called oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones make you begin to feel secure and you start to attach to your partner. These are the same chemicals released when you give birth that help you attach to your baby. So that stuff is potent!!
So if you think that you are weak for not leaving, think again. You have most likely developed an attachment to this man.
Marriage and Family Therapist 